The Ruggist has a Sexy Romp with Language.

My last post ended with a reference to comedic timing, and depending on if you find me humorous or just plain laughable some would say I have a decent sense of that timing. Irregardless (Which many argue is not a "real" word rather a combination or regardless and irrespective, and following English convention would mean "without regardless, a double negative, so actually meaning "with regard". More on this later!) of what you think, any self-respecting Rug Dealer, Ruggy (or Ruggie), Rug Salesman, Porter, Floor Technician, Expeditor, Rug Saleswoman, Rug Salesperson (why must English remove gender specific nouns?), National Sales Director, Owner, Rug Historian, Creative Director or as I read this morning Grande Fromage,  ad nauseam, worth their weight in a pile of wool dust has had to endure countless musings of clever customers (and coworkers, now known as CeCe), all of which have been uttered so widely and geographically disparate that we must assume CeCe (singular in case, plural in meaning) are actually a special sub-species of human possessing a collective consciousness of indecision. Yes that is one sentence.

So now, I present for your review, a collection of my favorite musings. I invite any reader be they Rug Dealer, Ruggy (or Ruggie), Rug Salesman, Porter, Floor Technician, Expeditor, Rug Saleswoman, Rug Salesperson (why must English remove gender specific nouns?), National Sales Director, Owner, Rug Historian, Creative Director or as I read this morning Grande Fromage,  ad nauseam or CeCe or just a hapless soul who googled the term "peanut butter recall" to chime in with any of their favorites by adding them as comments. Maybe one day, we'll publish a book! This introduction is much too long, so without further:

"You'll need to sharpen your pencil on that price."

This is for my friend Ned Baker, who claims this is his favorite line. First. Who still uses pencils? Second. The only difference a sharp pencil would make is in legibility. Third. Just say you want a better price. Geeze! I say respond with "We use pens."

"I bet you don't have to go to the gym."

For anyone who has ever flipped piles or stacks of rugs for a Customer, and wanted to utter back "Clearly you don't go to the gym either...."

"I don't have an 8x10, can you use a 9x12?" or

"I don't have that rug in an 8x10 but I have something very similar...."

This is for... well you know who you are.

"I'm looking for something Berry coloured."

Do people not realize there are Blueberries (Actually purple), Raspberries (Red), Gooseberries (Mostly Green), et cetera.? Yes I know you mean Red, but come on.

"I'll know it when I see it."

See what? You don't even know what size you want. (See below)

"I need to go home and measure."

Measure what? I thought you'd know it when you saw it.

"I'm looking for a living room rug."

Does anyone know how to tell the difference between a  living room and dining room rug?

"Will this fade in the sun?"

Rugs should apparently, over every other home furnishing, be somehow impervious to the sun.

"Do you have any of those TIE BET TAN rugs?" (Said while looking directly at one.)

Thank you dumbed down design magazines for "educating" consumers.

"I'm allergic to Wool."

Oddly no-one ever seems to notice they are in a showroom full of this potentially fatal allergen until they are told the rugs are made of wool.

"Do you have something that looks like this, but is less expensive?"

No. No we don't. 

**Intermission**

Act 1 of this post was focused on the first Ce in CeCe, "Customers" and now while we await to hear from the second Ce, "Coworkers" in Act 2, I will continue on my rambling irregardless to the interruption of the flow of the post.

 Wikipedia (the source for all Internet knowledge, true or otherwise) has this to say about irregardless, and my basic thought on this subject is to: USE THE CORRECT WORD. Ever since I was introduced to a Webster's Dictionary of Synonyms by the most wonderful lady (and she is a lady) Mary Ann Barrett  of Classic Oriental Rugs I've been striving to use the correct word in my writing and speech. Sometimes I fail, but that leads to improvement, no? Anyway, regardless of these thoughts, or irrespective of these thoughts, the lights are dimming and the curtain is going up....

"I was born at night, but not last night"

For my former co-worker Andrew (Drew) Carlson, from whom I learned a lot. I still love this line. All the best to him at Rug Source in Denver.

"It's the latest trend in Europe."

This is my personal favorite line to use when in sales mode.

"That is off the cheese wheel."

I think this still lacks an official definition and standard of use, and most certainly will pose problems when trying to translate into other languages, but such is the case of all idioms. I propose usage such as: "Sales are down so low they've dropped right off the cheese wheel" or, when referencing a positive shift in sales "Sales are right off the cheese wheel" which I like better. I think "off the cheese wheel" should always have a positive connotation.  

In conclusion...

Completely ignoring my intermission and theatrical metaphor in the middle of this post (yes I know, by acknowledging the metaphor I've not ignored it) we find ourselves here at the end of my less than concise post. What is my point this time? I had not set out with one in mind, rather only to bring some levity to otherwise dark economic times. If we think positively then positive things will happen, and the converse  is true as well. However, when I reached the end I realized there was a point after all.

Presuming readers add their own musings to this list, we will find that all of us, whether we are a Rug Dealer, Ruggy (or Ruggie), Rug Salesman, Porter, Floor Technician, Expeditor, Rug Saleswoman, Rug Salesperson (why must English remove gender specific nouns?), National Sales Director, Owner, Rug Historian, Creative Director or as I read this morning Grande Fromage, or Ruggist, or anything your heart can imagine, are in this together and share the same problems and joys. When I worked in a showroom I thought I knew it all, then I went to work for an importer and saw the other side of the coin. I still don't know it all, but I now know that everyone has their own agenda, and by fitting those often competing agendas together we can accomplish great things.

Cheers!